Did you know divorce is most common in the US? It has a lot to do with the fact that more people get married here. People dream of getting married. I don't think divorce is ever a part of those dreams. But the reality is it does happen. In fact, the average twelve year old lives four-hundred miles from their biological father. So what are parents to do when it does happen? I think a lot of it depends on the family, but it is not a matter that should be taken lightly in any form.
I've been thinking a lot about blended families. It made me think of my aunt, actually. She married a man, and they started a family. He turned out to not be a good man. They divorced, and she later married my now uncle. I've been told about their dating. My aunt didn't tell him off the back that she had children. She's ask him questions... one in particular was she asked him how many kids he wanted. He said two. She already had three! That's a joke in the family, and they later had three more kids together. But growing up, I did not know this. My uncle raised each of those kids like they were biologically his. That's amazing to me. I never knew! He is an amazing man. It reminds me of this music video we watched in class:
I commend people like my uncle, and my teacher, Brother Williams. These people are so admirable to me. Because as discussed in previous posts, it isn't the shared DNA that makes a person a parent. These men I know are true parents.
When parenting in blended families, the "new" parent should take time to bond and form a relationship with the new children in their life. Parents should remember to make the "2 years of normalcy" in their new joined family. The biological parent should be sure to be the heavy disciplinarian, while the step parent starts by taking on a similar role to that of an aunt or uncle. The beginning years in newly blended families are harder than any others. They are most crucial. But are also very highly rewarding.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
parenting.
Sorry these blogs are becoming more personal... these more recent ones aren't all from the material we covered... but also from what I felt the Spirit teach me. I don't feel like that happens as often as it should. But oh my gosh, it's amazing when it does.
My Patriarchal Blessing blesses me to be a mother, one who raises my children in a home centered around the gospel of Jesus Christ. It warns me to live worthy of this trust.
For me, parenting is more spiritual than anything.
Being a parent isn't just giving birth. I don't think that qualifies you to be a parent. Being a parent is about loving, raising, rearing, protecting, providing, teaching, sacrificing, guiding, and the list goes on. It isn't for eighteen years. It is eternal. It is forever. As members of the church, that's what we "sign up" for: forever. What I don't think "parents" realize is the sacred responsibility they have to their children.
We talked in class about the strait and narrow path, as discussed in Lehi's dream. Notice it's spelled strait, not straight. However, both terms can be applied. But lets stick with strait.
Straight is more of a geographic term. It is indirect, but leads to somewhere. Straits can be considered very dangerous, but it is necessary because it also protects as you are brought to much opportunity. I'm sure the strait and narrow path is just straight. I'm sure there are bends and winds, that's why people get lost. That's why it's important to remember it's narrow, you can't stray too far.
When being a parent, remember guidance and Godhood. I think they coincide much more than we realize. Parents, protect your children. Prepare them to survive and thrive. Teach them in warmth and confidence. Put a lot more consideration in how you act as a parent. Never give up on yourself or a child. Teach them responsibility, or, response ability.
Teach your children to make choices, wise choices. Teach them, however, that choices have natural consequences. THese consequences are what ultimately teach them. Just remember to do this unless the consequences are too dangerous, too far in the future to teach, or if the consequences will affect others.
Parents must be wise. What more can I say than that?
My Patriarchal Blessing blesses me to be a mother, one who raises my children in a home centered around the gospel of Jesus Christ. It warns me to live worthy of this trust.
For me, parenting is more spiritual than anything.
Being a parent isn't just giving birth. I don't think that qualifies you to be a parent. Being a parent is about loving, raising, rearing, protecting, providing, teaching, sacrificing, guiding, and the list goes on. It isn't for eighteen years. It is eternal. It is forever. As members of the church, that's what we "sign up" for: forever. What I don't think "parents" realize is the sacred responsibility they have to their children.
We talked in class about the strait and narrow path, as discussed in Lehi's dream. Notice it's spelled strait, not straight. However, both terms can be applied. But lets stick with strait.
Straight is more of a geographic term. It is indirect, but leads to somewhere. Straits can be considered very dangerous, but it is necessary because it also protects as you are brought to much opportunity. I'm sure the strait and narrow path is just straight. I'm sure there are bends and winds, that's why people get lost. That's why it's important to remember it's narrow, you can't stray too far.
When being a parent, remember guidance and Godhood. I think they coincide much more than we realize. Parents, protect your children. Prepare them to survive and thrive. Teach them in warmth and confidence. Put a lot more consideration in how you act as a parent. Never give up on yourself or a child. Teach them responsibility, or, response ability.
Teach your children to make choices, wise choices. Teach them, however, that choices have natural consequences. THese consequences are what ultimately teach them. Just remember to do this unless the consequences are too dangerous, too far in the future to teach, or if the consequences will affect others.
Parents must be wise. What more can I say than that?
Saturday, June 30, 2012
a blog about my father.
Fathers are so important. They are essential. Looking and hearing about facts and statistics about children not being raised by their fathers breaks my heart. I can honestly say my life would not be the same without my dad. I'm grateful for him in my life. I'm grateful for the influence he has been in my life.
My father is a father to seven children. He is only biological to six. My oldest sister was adopted. But that makes no difference. Because he does not share half of his DNA with my sister doesn't make him less her father. He raised her. He loved her. He taught her. That's what made him a father.
Throughout my life, my dad was my hero. I remember thinking he was the coolest man in the world. I grew up thinking I had the coolest dad in the world. I still believe these things.
I remember when my mom took a late night job during Christmas time for extra money. I don't know how old I was. I was pretty dang young, because I remember falling asleep with my dad on the floor while we watched TV, and while I used a pillow case as a sleeping bag. I remember when he and I would stay up making cookies for the family. Oatmeal was our specialty. We'd add raisins and sunflower seeds. I didn't like the sunflower seeds, but I pretended to because I knew he did. I remember when I was seven years old and he was diagnosed with cancer. I remember visiting him, seeing him in the hospital bed. He didn't look good. But I knew he wouldn't leave us. I remember when he baptized me, and I remember telling him to make sure I wouldn't drown while he baptized me. I remember when I got a little older, and a worse attitude. i remember his talks with me. I remember him counseling me. I remember him telling me I had potential, that I had great things to do in this life, and how Satan was working hard on me to ruin all that. I remember when he got cancer again. I remember noticing he never complained. I remember seeing him all my life sitting in the front of church as a loving and caring Bishop. I remember seeing my dad at the table reading his scriptures when I'd wake up in the middle of the night or early in the morning. I remember talking about the San Francisco Giants, yelling at baseball games with him, yelling at the TV with him when they won the World Series. I remember a note he gave me where he told me he was proud of me. I remember what he wrote: "Thanks for being my girl." I remember these things because they involve him.
My dad has had eternal effect on my life. Talking and reading about fathers have reminded me of this.
I love my father. I love that he's been involved in my life. Without him, I can't imagine where and who I would be.
Men, remember to be fathers.
My father is a father to seven children. He is only biological to six. My oldest sister was adopted. But that makes no difference. Because he does not share half of his DNA with my sister doesn't make him less her father. He raised her. He loved her. He taught her. That's what made him a father.
Throughout my life, my dad was my hero. I remember thinking he was the coolest man in the world. I grew up thinking I had the coolest dad in the world. I still believe these things.
I remember when my mom took a late night job during Christmas time for extra money. I don't know how old I was. I was pretty dang young, because I remember falling asleep with my dad on the floor while we watched TV, and while I used a pillow case as a sleeping bag. I remember when he and I would stay up making cookies for the family. Oatmeal was our specialty. We'd add raisins and sunflower seeds. I didn't like the sunflower seeds, but I pretended to because I knew he did. I remember when I was seven years old and he was diagnosed with cancer. I remember visiting him, seeing him in the hospital bed. He didn't look good. But I knew he wouldn't leave us. I remember when he baptized me, and I remember telling him to make sure I wouldn't drown while he baptized me. I remember when I got a little older, and a worse attitude. i remember his talks with me. I remember him counseling me. I remember him telling me I had potential, that I had great things to do in this life, and how Satan was working hard on me to ruin all that. I remember when he got cancer again. I remember noticing he never complained. I remember seeing him all my life sitting in the front of church as a loving and caring Bishop. I remember seeing my dad at the table reading his scriptures when I'd wake up in the middle of the night or early in the morning. I remember talking about the San Francisco Giants, yelling at baseball games with him, yelling at the TV with him when they won the World Series. I remember a note he gave me where he told me he was proud of me. I remember what he wrote: "Thanks for being my girl." I remember these things because they involve him.
My dad has had eternal effect on my life. Talking and reading about fathers have reminded me of this.
I love my father. I love that he's been involved in my life. Without him, I can't imagine where and who I would be.
Men, remember to be fathers.
Friday, June 22, 2012
communication.
I feel like we hear so often in life that communication is the most important part of marriage. While I'm not sure I can say it is the MOST important thing, I do know that it is incredibly crucial.I think it's also very important to note, communication isn't narrowed down to simply verbal.
Did you know that in communication, only 14% is verbal? 35% is tone. And 51% is non-verbal (actions, body language, etc.)!? How are you communicating, and what exactly ARE you communicating? I think this is so important! I'm realizing that it is true, actions speak louder than words.
Reality is we very barely verbal communicate. We text. And when we do verbally communicate, how much of it is true? We talked a little in class about how much time has changed, and how much a letter can mean...
Want to know a secret? I began to fall for someone through letters. Weird, right? Not totally I guess, but you learn SO much through letter writing. It feels honest. Now I have to take that honesty on paper into real life.
Another thing we talked about in class was how to counsel with our spouse. A good way of going about this is done just the same way the apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints counsel. No matter the religion, consider these steps:
1. Set a time and place, that way there is never confusion.
2 Speak love and gratitude to each other. This is more important than you think!
3. Open with prayer. Invite the Spirit, invite love to be shown. Seek answers that the Lord will give.
4. Discuss until consensus matches the Lord's will.
5. Pray again. Yes. Again.
6. Refreshments! Treat yourself :)
I definitely think this is something I want to carry into my future marriage!
Did you know that in communication, only 14% is verbal? 35% is tone. And 51% is non-verbal (actions, body language, etc.)!? How are you communicating, and what exactly ARE you communicating? I think this is so important! I'm realizing that it is true, actions speak louder than words.
Reality is we very barely verbal communicate. We text. And when we do verbally communicate, how much of it is true? We talked a little in class about how much time has changed, and how much a letter can mean...
Want to know a secret? I began to fall for someone through letters. Weird, right? Not totally I guess, but you learn SO much through letter writing. It feels honest. Now I have to take that honesty on paper into real life.
Another thing we talked about in class was how to counsel with our spouse. A good way of going about this is done just the same way the apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints counsel. No matter the religion, consider these steps:
1. Set a time and place, that way there is never confusion.
2 Speak love and gratitude to each other. This is more important than you think!
3. Open with prayer. Invite the Spirit, invite love to be shown. Seek answers that the Lord will give.
4. Discuss until consensus matches the Lord's will.
5. Pray again. Yes. Again.
6. Refreshments! Treat yourself :)
I definitely think this is something I want to carry into my future marriage!
Friday, June 15, 2012
family crisis.
this blog is more going to be me rambling, rather than me trying to teach about what i've learned. i hope this counts. but it's been through learning about family crises that have made me so grateful for my own family, despite the trials we have had to face.
my mom grew up in a family crisis. she was raised by alcoholics. i do not know to a full extent of what she went through, it is not something that we often talk about at home. in fact, that's one of the unsaid family rules. i do know however that sometimes the home she lived in consisted of various forms of abuse. this is the definition of crisis.
we learned about and ABC model forming X:
Actual Events + Behavioral Responses + Cognitive = eXperience
the reality is, as hard as it is, we determine what will happen in the end. we do not control the events. but we control out behavior. we control our cognition. we determine our experience.
my mom did not let the events that were given her control her. she instead stopped history from repeating itself by becoming a "transitional character." she stopped the filth that run in her family from affecting her children. she did not let the life she was raised in define her. she is one of the most amazing people i know. i wish she did not have to live in the crisis she grew up in.
as for my own life, a family crisis i've experienced is when my dad got cancer. both times. i will not go into much detail about the cognitive process because it's become something spiritual that i'm not just going share it to everyone. but the actual events was that i could've lost my dad to two different cancers. my behavior changed because of what i knew. the experience was hard, but it taught me.
often in life we are handed a situation. we have no control over it. we can control how he react to our future and destiny. the crisis can destroy us. or we can let it change us. it isn't something that'll be easy. it isn't something that'll take a day to master. it takes time, and practice. just remember. A+B+C=X.
my mom grew up in a family crisis. she was raised by alcoholics. i do not know to a full extent of what she went through, it is not something that we often talk about at home. in fact, that's one of the unsaid family rules. i do know however that sometimes the home she lived in consisted of various forms of abuse. this is the definition of crisis.
we learned about and ABC model forming X:
Actual Events + Behavioral Responses + Cognitive = eXperience
the reality is, as hard as it is, we determine what will happen in the end. we do not control the events. but we control out behavior. we control our cognition. we determine our experience.
my mom did not let the events that were given her control her. she instead stopped history from repeating itself by becoming a "transitional character." she stopped the filth that run in her family from affecting her children. she did not let the life she was raised in define her. she is one of the most amazing people i know. i wish she did not have to live in the crisis she grew up in.
as for my own life, a family crisis i've experienced is when my dad got cancer. both times. i will not go into much detail about the cognitive process because it's become something spiritual that i'm not just going share it to everyone. but the actual events was that i could've lost my dad to two different cancers. my behavior changed because of what i knew. the experience was hard, but it taught me.
often in life we are handed a situation. we have no control over it. we can control how he react to our future and destiny. the crisis can destroy us. or we can let it change us. it isn't something that'll be easy. it isn't something that'll take a day to master. it takes time, and practice. just remember. A+B+C=X.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
teaching sexual intimacy.
sex.
Such a scary topic sometimes. But it doesn't have to be. In fact, it isn't! Sex is not a bad thing, but a sacred thing! I think realizing this is hard. But it's important to! You are going to have to teach it to your children, which to many people is one of the scariest things of all. Here are some things parents must know in regards to the topic of sex:
Prepare.
Don't shut down.
Don't rely on others to teach your children. Let you be the teacher of your children.
Don't let fear override.
Don't just focus on the "physical" of intimacy.
Don't rely on media messages.
DOn't just have one conversation, have multiple.
Don't leave it up to one parent. Both parents should have a voice and influence on children.
Don't wait until the night before the wedding (haha).
DOn't lie about it.
Something I also feel is important to write is that you should teach your children the dangers of pornography. People do not realize how big of a deal it is, and the affects it can have on an individual. The dangers of it are real. It changes an individual. Both mentally and emotionally. Teach your children to avoid it like they would the gates of hell. To me this is so important, and that's what I've been feeling a lot lately.
Such a scary topic sometimes. But it doesn't have to be. In fact, it isn't! Sex is not a bad thing, but a sacred thing! I think realizing this is hard. But it's important to! You are going to have to teach it to your children, which to many people is one of the scariest things of all. Here are some things parents must know in regards to the topic of sex:
Prepare.
Don't shut down.
Don't rely on others to teach your children. Let you be the teacher of your children.
Don't let fear override.
Don't just focus on the "physical" of intimacy.
Don't rely on media messages.
DOn't just have one conversation, have multiple.
Don't leave it up to one parent. Both parents should have a voice and influence on children.
Don't wait until the night before the wedding (haha).
DOn't lie about it.
Something I also feel is important to write is that you should teach your children the dangers of pornography. People do not realize how big of a deal it is, and the affects it can have on an individual. The dangers of it are real. It changes an individual. Both mentally and emotionally. Teach your children to avoid it like they would the gates of hell. To me this is so important, and that's what I've been feeling a lot lately.
Friday, June 1, 2012
marriage&transitions.
Here's a sad truth: People think marriage solves relationship problems when in reality, it really doesn't. With marriage comes a whole different set.
Here are some of the 1st month struggles newlyweds often face:living arrangements, tasks, responsibilities, cleanliness, different patterns, and struggles in the bed. Some may not seems like a big deal, but in the situation it is.
I want to keep this blog entry short to not distract myself from what I found most important this week. Here it is:
Sometimes that hard first year will be your advantage. It makes you, as a couple, work. It gives you strength. You understand each other better. You can learn to love each other better. The hardest moments get you to appreciate the real things that matter.
Work together. Get through it. You can overcome.
Here are some of the 1st month struggles newlyweds often face:living arrangements, tasks, responsibilities, cleanliness, different patterns, and struggles in the bed. Some may not seems like a big deal, but in the situation it is.
I want to keep this blog entry short to not distract myself from what I found most important this week. Here it is:
Sometimes that hard first year will be your advantage. It makes you, as a couple, work. It gives you strength. You understand each other better. You can learn to love each other better. The hardest moments get you to appreciate the real things that matter.
Work together. Get through it. You can overcome.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)