preparing for marriage.

Fact: one of the scariest things to me is falling in love. I've never been totally and completely in love, so I can't say it's because I had a bad experience with it. My heart has never been broken. But the fear of the things that can go wrong with falling in love is what has scared em the most. I've put up a wall my entire life to protect me from being vulnerable.
The truth is that I've just been scared no one could love me. I've been scared that I could never love someone fully. I've been scared I wasn't good enough, that I was too ugly. In fact, my fears have caused me to believe I will never get married. So I stopped thinking about it. I stopped thinking about things I'd even want in my future husband because I thought it would never matter.
Just recently I had the feeling however that I should think about what I'd want in a future husband. I decided I'd start slow since it's been so long since I let myself think I'd get married some day. I decided I need someone persistent. I want someone who's going to work for me, work hard to make me believe and understand that he loves me... because I'll never believe it. I want someone who will try to make us work.
Want to know something crazy? Right after I decided this, someone came back into my life I'd tried to push away because his persistence scared me. I realized quickly, I liked it after all. And I'm beginning to like him.
We'll see...

Anywho...
I've learned intentional thought dating is quite important. This is like a "know-quo." Sounds weird and confusing, right? This involves talk, time, and togetherness.
Talk: MUTUAL disclosure: secrets, how we see things, discover, sharing. I've realized from this section I need to work better on this. The key word for me is mutual. It does no good in my relationship if I do not reciprocate, or let the guy know his feelings are valid. I can't just expect him to be persistent if I'm not giving him a reason to.
Time: Anything less than three months, you do not know someone. Fact.
Togetherness: See each other in a variety of situation, even marriage situations.
In addition, structure dating is important. Want to know something most people don't seem to know? A date is planned, paid for, and paired off. This should be prepared by the man. Who would've thought???
Take notes BYU-Idaho....